Today...im like... shit. Im feeling so down that I want to cry. And its so wierd, me saying that I want to cry. Why? Because I havent cried in years, and now, I have so much pressure under my eyes that i want to burst out and scream it all out.
And why? Do you ask?
Well, let me start off by saying that I had a very bad day today at work.
It all started when Daniela went into my office and came to do her everyday visit. So we were talking and all... then she tells me...
"I think Im going to prom".And i got surprised. So surprised that maybe she noticed. So i just starred at her and she kept on going..
"Its cus one of my friends asked me, and i didnt want to go because my father passed away not too long ago and i dont want people to say that i dont care about his death and attending parties right after that happened." She said....
And i stayed quiet...
She then kept on going...
"So the guy that asked me kept on begging me, till I said yes. But if we dont go, he said he might take me to the movies., Maybe its a sign..."Right there
I blanked out
For a simple phrase like that.
I just totally felt that the tears would eventually burst out, but i kept it in.
I mean. After all these months, of me treating her like a princess, like what she is, being the most gentlemen out there..... she tells me that maybe this guy wants something with her...
What confused me is that I HAD ASKED HER FOR PROM NOT TOO LONG AGO... but i said that maybe we shouldnt go because I didnt want her to get mood swings and to fell bad for attending parties right after her dad died. And she agreed with it.
Then today she tells me that she will be going to prom... and i just felt like crying.
Because it hurts.
How can you try your best, with all your effort and might, to try to gain a proper space in someones heart, then some guy comes in and takes ur place withut even carring????
And ITS SUCKS!!!!
I feel so depressed now. Because I feel like i have just lost it, but i know i havent.
My biggest fear is that she ends up being with that guy. As in both of them "Together".
And what about me?
All the time ive wasted
all the effort ive done
all the commitments ive done just to make her feel happy and protected
all going down the sewer?
Or is it just me that is THINKING TOO MUCH?
Im so confussed....
I dont know what to do anymore..
Because its just odd.
I want her... badly...
and for something like this to ruin it?
I hope not. All I can do is wait till mnday to see if anything ever did happen.
Because Ive never been a dumb dude; No Im not dense.
I just had a slight lack of common sense.
I was inviting her into my heart, but now shes out riding in some other guys car.
She was my night time, and I thought I was her star.
And I told her today in a message in Myspace
"Please dont worry about me Im fine...
Trust me when I say, That I’ll be OK…"
And It sucks soooo bad.
because I Try to settle down and look what I get.
I thought it was my time, but I guess not yet.
I hope its all just confusion and everything turns back to normal. Thats all i pray for.
omar
